


Little Red Sweater

by Terrorfecta



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fairy Tale Parody, Little Red Riding Hood - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-10-27 16:27:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20763401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Terrorfecta/pseuds/Terrorfecta
Summary: Kankri is tasked with delivering goods to his maternal figure's dancester's hive because... plot reasons. He meets a greaser-looking big bad wolf along the way.(This is a really stupid oneshot but I couldn't get it out of my brain and I was laughing the whole time I was typing. Literally no one will find it as humorous as I do.)





	Little Red Sweater

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea why I decided to write this or why I think it's so funny.

Once upon a time, there was a young man who wore a red sweater. It had been a gift from a friend. A very platonic not-his-moirail friend. And it was very offensive to imply otherwise. Everyone saw how much he liked the sweater, and they called him Little Red Sweater. Well, actually, they called him by his name, Kankri, or several less than kind nicknames, but for narrative purposes they called him Little Red Sweater.

One day, his very platonic maternal figure asked him to take a basket to her dancestor's hive. And of course, Kankri questioned why he was the one to take this basket, which was full of bottles, probably blood. Kankri didn't want to question that part nearly as much. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know any of the answers his maternal figure would have happily provided.

“I find it very problematic and ableist that you are assigning this task to me, Porrim,” Kankri told her as she fixed his sweater absently.

“I know, Kanny, but I have to meet with Latula, and she's already waiting.”

“Porrim...”

“_Please_, Kanny?”

And that was the end of it, because as soon as Porrim pulled out that pout, no matter how much Kankri wanted to argue, he knew he would lose, and it was a waste of time to think otherwise. And Latula was standing off to one side of her hive, looking very amused by the gestures.

So Little Red Sweater was off. Unfortunately, as story heroes (hero being an unfortunate and triggering word which the author should strive to avoid in the future) tend to encounter, there was a problem. A big bad wolf was waiting by the side of the path, smoking.

As Kankri headed down the path, he did notice Cronus hanging out outside of his hive, the smoke from the white cylinder in his fingers curling lazily up to the sky. And Cronus certainly noticed Kankri, since a smile was beginning to tug at his mouth.

“Heyyyy, chief,” Cronus crooned, pushing himself off the wall he had leaned against. “Going somewhere?”

“Indeed I am, Cronus. I am delivering these goods to Porrim's dancestor, since she is unfortunately preoccupied with other matters.” Little Red Sweater looked the wolf up and down, and was unimpressed. He was a big wolf, certainly, but Cronus was also kind of a… well, there were few words Kankri could come up with that didn't have triggering connotations. And after he had started picking up that nasty smoking habit from Damara, breaking down and actually smoking that cigarette tucked over his fin, he didn't even have true cleanliness on his pros list.

“Looks like a bunch of potions. Need some help with carrying them?”

“Of course not, Cronus. I find your question very condescending.” Kankri attempted to move on, but Cronus followed, putting out the burning thing in his hand and setting it behind one of his fins.

“What are you doing, Cronus?” Kankri questioned as he walked. Cronus barely had to struggle to keep up, his long legs making Kankri feel a flash of envy. Before remembering that he should feel very privileged to even have legs, and there were several other ghosts in these dream bubbles less fortunate.

“Just keeping ya company, chief.” Cronus had mellowed some, Kankri figured, though he tried to avoid talking to the troll. After all, it was easy to avoid someone who spent most of his time wandering around propositioning different versions of Porrim for a black fling. He, or perhaps just this version of him, seemed to be less interested in a straight proposition and more of conversation. As acquaintances, Cronus was a good listener, but they had spent little time together in the last… arbitrary amount of time. Things like sweeps didn't really matter in dream bubbles.

“While I do appreciate the effort, and I feel very privileged for the company, especially since there are trolls out there who had no one to talk to at all, I do find your touch very problematic, and I insist that you cease immediately. I am more than capable of walking from one hive to the next without managing to trouble anyone and without losing my way.”

Cronus's hand, which had been snaking to wrap around Kankri's shoulder, dropped to his side again. “Oh, don't be like that, chief. I just wanna walk with ya.”

Kankri pursed his lips over his fangs, and then sighed. “If you insist, I must ask you to not touch me, and not lean in so closely.”

Cronus smiled at that, looking like he had been given a treat of some sort. Really, Little Red Sweater thought, the big bad wolf was more like a needy puppy. “You got it, chief.”

“And don't call me that.”

“You got it… Kankri.”

The way the wolf said his name made Little Red Sweater stiffen slightly. He could see the wolf still smiling from where he trotted beside him, and as Little Red Sweater reconsidered his offer to walk beside the wolf, he found himself realizing that it may have been too late.

Cronus seemed comfortable enough, anyway, and he leaned down as he listened to Kankri berate him. Not even in a condescending way. Just in a Cronus-is-taller-but-being-considerate way that set Kankri off on another of his lectures. It was a bit of a walk to Kanaya's dream bubble, but they managed to hop from bubble to bubble until they were in the right area.

“Creepy,” Cronus noted, looking around at the place.

“Please be a little more sensitive, Cronus,” Kankri replied. Although the place was, admittedly, kind of creepy. It was darker here, and Kanaya's hive had no lights on anywhere that the two trolls could see. Maybe she wasn't home?

“Heh. Sorry, Kankri.”

Cronus was the first to rap on the door. “Special delivery!” he called up. “Porrim's dancestor?”

But there was no answer. Cronus tried knocking on the door again, but Kankri only sighed, putting the basket just inside the door. It wasn't locked, of course. Why bother, when everyone was dead already? There was nothing really to steal, either, since in dream bubbles the items were memories. If something was lost, all a troll had to do was remember it again.

“If she is indeed not home, or perhaps resting, we should not bother her any longer, Cronus,” Kankri told him severely, just as Cronus was about to knock a third time.

“I guess.” The troll seemed to deflate some, but then he put on that forced smile that Kankri associated with the troll. It wasn't the smile he had been wearing thus far, but it was a far more familiar sight. “So, did you have any plans after this?”

Ah, there is was. “As a matter of fact, I do.” That was a lie, but Cronus didn't need to know that. The highblood only raised a brow, and rested a hand on the wall above Kankri's head, leaning against Kanaya’s hive. He wasn’t really blocking the way back down the path, but it was certainly noticeable that he was there. Kankri blinked in surprise.

“Oh? Can I ask what they are?”

“They're… very important.” Was Cronus getting closer? He was getting closer. Kankri could only squeak when Cronus came close enough that he could feel the wolf's breath. It was cool, unlike his own, but it still made the shorter troll flush.

“Do tell, Kankri.”

Kankri fought a whine when Cronus took his free hand and touched Kankri's sweater, playing with the neckline. Cronus looked down at the fabric, and then back up at Kankri. It was strange. Cronus didn't look nervous or anything, but he did seem to have a question in his eyes. The smile dropped away slowly, after a few seconds.

When Kankri didn't seem to meet his expectations, Cronus sighed, stepping back. He re-lit that stick behind his fin, taking a drag. “Sorry, Kan,” he murmured. “I'll w-walk you back.” It hadn't been obvious then, but his stutter had been far easier to ignore before this point. The way he stumbled over the word made Kankri finally snap out of his confusion.

“I accept your apology, though I do not think I understand its intention,” Kankri replied primly, still feeling the ghost of a touch on his neck. That cold breath. He fought a shiver.

“Nyeh. It don't matter, chief. Kankri. I don't w-wanna bother ya.” That didn't even sound like a ploy for attention. It just sounded like a genuine comment, and Kankri crossed his arms, his mouth pursing slightly.

It was silent as they walked. Kankri felt lighter without the basket, and he felt this story had gone wrong somewhere, though he didn't know where. Little Red Sweater had safely made it to his maternal friend's dancestor's hive, delivered the basket of goods, and the wolf was walking beside him as friendly as ever. But it all felt wrong.

“Cronus,” Kankri said finally as they slowly made their way through dream bubbles.

Cronus jumped, and then looked over at him. “Yeah, Kankri?”

“May I ask what is the matter?”

Cronus laughed at that, and then shook his head, flicking the cherry of his burning stick onto the ground and stomping it out as he went. What was left over went into his jacket pocket. “It's nothing. Just figured I'd try a little red flirting with ya. No big deal if it didn't go anyw-where. Heh, I doubt you even really notice that kind of thing.”

Oh. Oh, my. Kankri stopped, and Cronus made it another step before stopping as well, looking back. “Kankri, it was a joke,” Cronus elaborated. “I was messing with ya.”

“That is not a laughing matter, Cronus,” Kankri replied, his usual bravado disappearing under that stare. “Any jokes on the matter are incredibly triggering, in fact.”

The highblood looked crestfallen, but he put on a smile anyway, almost reaching that sleazy grin of his. “Sorry, Kan. W-won't happen again.”

Kankri wasn't sure why his feet took him forward, but he was suddenly very close to Cronus. Cronus seemed to be caught off his guard as well, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his jacket, clenching and unclenching as his fins fluttered.

“Kankri?” Cronus questioned politely, looking down at the candyblood.

“I...” But Kankri Vantas, wordsmith and preacher, had nothing to say. He just looked up and waited, his mind running a thousand words a second and also not at all. It might have been seconds, or minutes, before Cronus took a hand out of his pocket and carefully put it on Kankri's cheek. Gently, he moved to his hair, expression breaking away to a hesitance that didn't befit the Ampora.

“Kankri?” Cronus questioned, and Kankri leaned into the light touch to his horn beds. When Cronus moved forward, still hesitant, still careful, Kankri flinched. In an instant, Cronus's hand was gone, and he was walking away quickly.

“Cronus?” Kankri called after him when he realized what had happened. “Cronus, wait!”

But Cronus didn't wait. He quickened to a jog, and Kankri was nearly sprinting to keep up with the long-legged troll.

They moved to another dream bubble, and this time it was Kankri's respiteblock. Cronus grimaced when he hit a wall, and Kankri caught up, nearly running into him. “Cronus, please wait,” he said again, moving to face the highblood toward him, hands on both of his arms.

“I don't w-want to talk about it,” Cronus told him, but his lips were tight, his eyes a little shinier than usual. “Cod, just let me nurse my glubbin rejection, okay?”

“Cronus.” Kankri's voice was firmer. “I find your language problematic.”

At least that brought out a chuckle. “Really? It's the language you have a problem with?”

Oh. That was it. Kankri took a breath and then kissed Cronus full on the lips, continuing even when Cronus didn't react for a split second. When he didn't react for a full second, Kankri drew back slightly. The highblood had a slightly dazed look on his face, and Kankri drew back even further.

“Oh, no. Have I triggered you, Cronus? Oh, I do apologize. Please forgive me.” But then Cronus was looking down at him, and they kissed again.

This time was better, with Cronus pulling him close and wrapping those long arms around him. Their fangs knocked together a few times, certainly, but overall, when they broke for air, panting and laughing, it was a pleasant experience.

“I do not like the idea of quadrants, Cronus, you know that,” Kankri managed as Cronus went in for another kiss. The wolf grinned, flipping their positions so that it was Kankri against the wall.

“So do ya want to stop?” Cronus almost purred, pressing the candyblood against the solid surface. Kankri made a noise, probably not a very dignified one, but it was lost in the sounds of their bodies touching.

“That is n-not what I said,” Kankri replied after a few moments. “I simply mean… Cronus, please, this is important.”

Cronus sighed, and then stopped nipping at Kankri's bottom lip. “Yeah, Kankri?”

“I do not wish to trigger you if you have flushed feelings for me. And I realize that as a humankin, you may feel an attraction I can only sympathize with. I want to, to be clear about this before we go any further.”

“It's just kissing, Kankri.”

“Nevertheless, I would feel far more comfortable if we had an open discussion about this before taking any more action.”

Again, that sigh. “Fine.” He let Kankri go, and stepped back to sit on one of the rectangular lounge pillows. “Talk, then.”

“I simply want to confirm that you are comfortable with the idea of a non-conforming relationship. I do not wish to pressure you in any way, and it would be incredibly insensitive of me to assume your consent, regardless of your… enthusiasm. After all, it is I who instigated this, and I wish to hear your opinions on the matter.” When Cronus made no move to speak, Kankri continued, fiddling with his sweater. “I admit that my feelings on the matter may be flushed, however given your propensity to change yourself for your interests, I do not feel confident in defining my feelings entirely as such. And while I attempt to preach hemospectrum equality, I do feel that there is a certain power imbalance which may be filtering your perceptions of me in a less than flattering light. I must insist again that I am a perfectly capable troll, and I do not need pity or a matesprit who will take care of me. I can do so myself.”

Cronus had hung his head at some point during the speech, and when Kankri leaned forward to check on him, the highblood took his wrist, pulling him forward onto his lap with a grin. “Kankri, all I hear is excuses,” Cronus told him, wrapping his arms firmly around Kankri's waist and tugging him so that their chests were nearly touching. “Forget your baggage. Do you want to keep making out or not?”

“I. Well, I.” Kankri could hardly speak properly with that breath fanning his face. Cronus seemed to sense that, and he pulled the candyblood into a gentler kiss than before.

“If you want me to stop, you tell me. Otherwise I'm going to be taking liberties with you, Kankri Vantas.” The smile that Cronus wore had turned a bit more predatory, and Kankri felt the first twitch of fear rolling down his back.

“Oh?”

“Yeah. As long as you don’t mind.” And then Cronus was kissing him again. And this close, bundled up tight in an embrace, Kankri could voice no more objections. Not real ones, at least. Both trolls got comfortable on the lounge, and the wolf worked on devouring Little Red Sweater, one bite at a time.

* * *

A few hours earlier, Kanaya found herself very confused when she found an incredibly ugly nightgown and bonnet lying on her respiteblock table, along with a pair of garish looking glasses. She burned them immediately. Shortly after she managed to douse the cinders, she received an emergency message and quickly rushed off, completely forgetting that her dancester was planning on sending her something. Someone had given Mituna an axe.


End file.
